I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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