My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
