I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know her cup size but not her name....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize