how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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