I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
