It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
