Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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