you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
