Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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