I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
