Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
