I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
