If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
