Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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