Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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