Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
