Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
