im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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