So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
