I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
