Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
