I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
