My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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