I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
