I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
