For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
