Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
