I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
