I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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