new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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