he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
