I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
