I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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