did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
