He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
