Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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