What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
