You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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