I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
