Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
