i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
