You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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