Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
