so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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