threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
