its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
