he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
