I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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