Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
