This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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