you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
