all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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