I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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