I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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