i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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