Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
