i would punch a child for taco bell
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
