You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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