He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
