You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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