so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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