He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
