so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
