I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
