So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
