now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
