I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
