weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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