Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
